Naked Choke (A Stepbrother MMA Romance) Read online

  He takes a deep breath and looks me straight in the eye. "Please, Cat. I don't want to be with anyone else but you. And you're right, we should tell our parents. I can't change what I did, but I hope you can forgive me. I know it won't happen right away." He watches my face as my eyes glaze over. "Say something, please."

  I stand up and turn around, pacing away so he can't see my face. Fuck. Fuck. I slept with Logan last night. I thought this was over. I thought Austen wanted it to be over. Now I'm the cheater. Logan and I did much more than kiss, that's for sure.

  "Cat?" I turn back and look at Austen, still seated on the couch and leaning toward me apprehensively. He looks so vulnerable. I've never seen him like this before. I can't break up with him now. I can't hurt him like that.

  "I forgive you," I whisper.

  "What? Really?" he gasps, leaping up and stepping toward me. "Oh, fuck, Cat, thank you. I've been down here all day trying to summon the courage to show my face and trying to think about what to say to you." He leans forward to kiss me.

  "Wait," I stop him. "I don't think I'm ready for that."

  "Oh, right, of course," he murmurs, releasing me and stepping back. "I get it. Take your time."

  "Yes. Right. Well, thank you for being honest with me. I think I…I have to go back upstairs now," I say almost robotically.

  "Are you sure you're alright?"

  "No, yes. Just surprised. You know, a lot to process."

  "OK," he replies, watching me nervously. I back away from him and then turn around and hustle up the stairs without looking back. I flee back up to the second floor but stop in the hall as I see the light coming from underneath Logan's door.

  Logan.

  He's waiting for me to come to him. I just betrayed him as badly as I betrayed Austen. What the hell is wrong with me? I felt so sure of what I was going to do earlier.

  I step into my bedroom and shut the door behind me, then reach up and lock it. I don't want Logan to come into my room, to see if I'm alright or how the conversation went. I won't be able to look him in the eye. I'd have no idea what to say.

  I'm a coward, plain and simple.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I leave for work in the morning with absolutely no plan. No idea what I'm supposed to say to Logan. Or how to behave around Austen now that he's confessed his sins and I haven't. I stand behind the reception desk at Big Rig's staring at the clock, dreading the moment when Duke and his sons will walk in the door to start their day of training.

  I look at my phone. Maya's been texting me nonstop. I don't want her to worry, so I shoot off a quick text: At work. Call you later, OK? I can't begin to explain the quagmire I've gotten myself into over text.

  The minutes fly by too quickly. Raul walks in and greets me with a smile. Then Mike. I guess Logan isn't coming in early today like he usually does. Not sure if that's better or worse.

  I glance out the window and see the three Riggins men walking across the parking lot. Austen and Duke are in conversation, while Logan trails about ten feet behind them. My heartbeat spikes and I go into full panic.

  "Hey, Caitlyn," Duke greets me as he holds the door for Austen. Austen shoots me a nervous grin, and I flash him a tight smile back. He and his dad cross back toward the training area, and Logan catches the door just before it shuts. My throat squeezes as he walks toward me. His jaw is tense, like he's struggling to hold something in. He glances quickly toward the other men to make sure they're not looking, then leans over the desk.

  "Austen seems…happy," he notes quietly, keeping his face as outwardly calm as possible.

  "I'm sorry," I manage to whisper.

  "You're sorry?" he repeats, a look of shock on his face like I just slapped him.

  "I don't know what happened," I go on as tears pool in my eyes. "He confessed he kissed that girl, and then I started to feel so guilty about us…and I just couldn't do it." He pulls back sharply and stares at me for a moment. It's like I can see his expression turn to stone in front of me. Then he turns and walks toward the training area.

  "Logan—" I whisper urgently, but he doesn't turn around and I can't do anything else without calling attention to us. I sink down into the chair next to me. The tears threaten to spill over just as more of the fighters walk through the door, so I turn my back and pretend to be busy folding towels. I'm shaking and I try to steady my breathing. I just have to make it through until one, when Harold will come to relieve me.

  I have to give it a chance with Austen, right? I could see us together, living in that neighborhood he showed me, while he trains and I work at the salon. Things with Logan would be so…complicated, anyway. I'm making the smart decision.

  I hear the scraping of chairs on the ground, which always means that they're dragging them out around the cage for a mock fight. These days, it's almost always Austen fighting someone so that he's ready for the tournament. I glance back toward the cage. I can only see one corner of it from my position at the desk. I feel a tightening sensation as I spot Logan bouncing back and forth on the pads of his feet, his hands taped up and ready. I can't imagine what Logan is feeling right now, having to fight Austen at this moment.

  The bell dings and I find myself walking around the desk and heading toward the wall that's blocking my view. I stand next to one of the framed newspaper clippings of Duke and chew the inside of my lip as I nervously watch Logan and Austen begin to circle each other.

  They're both perfect studies in concentration. In just their tight gym shorts and squared off against each other, it's easy to see the difference in their body types. It's actually rather amazing to see two men at peak physical shape but with basically different builds. Austen's clearly got the weight advantage, with a thick neck and a torso like a tree trunk, while Logan has wider shoulders and narrower hips, his body forming a perfect V.

  They close the distance between each other and I wince as Austen's leg flies out and strikes Logan's thigh. "Still looking a slow, Austen!" Duke shouts from his corner. Jeez, that's Austen's slow speed? "Guess you're not fully recovered from your stomach bug," he adds derisively, getting a laugh from the surrounding men. "Now Logan, drop your hands like Kalinksi does!" I've seen them practice like this before. Logan plays the part of the fighters that Austen will most likely face in the tournament, displaying their strengths and weaknesses so Austen can figure out how to best take them down. "Logan, drop your hands!" Duke shouts again, louder this time.

  But Logan doesn't. He keeps them protectively around his face as he advances on Austen. Suddenly his arms extend in a flurry of punches. Austen blocks the first ones but the last cross lands on his cheek. He drops back for a moment and shakes his head.

  "Logan!" Duke shouts, walking toward the door of the cage. "This isn't helpful!"

  "No, Dad, it's good," Austen calls back without taking his eyes off his brother. "I might face an unknown in the tournament, so I should be ready, right?" Bullshit. I can see from here that Austen just wants to put his little brother in his place, but I watch Duke pause as he considers.

  "Fine," he finally answers. "Go to it." The brothers immediately close back in on each other. Shit. I know Logan's out for blood, and Austen has his father's image of himself to protect. This is not going to be pretty.

  I leave my spot by the wall and walk closer toward the cage. Everyone's too focused on the fight now to even notice I'm here. The tension in the room is higher than I've ever felt it. I don't know about the rest of them, but I've never seen Logan and Austen face off against each other in a match like this before.

  As Austen tackles Logan and they begin to grapple on the mat, I want to run toward Duke and tell him to stop them. Logan's doing this because he's furious with me, and also probably his brother, but he could get seriously hurt. Austen's more experienced and in a heavier weight class. Logan's already on his back in a position I recognize as coming right before a tap out. I walk to the back row of chairs, wondering what I could say to Duke to get him to end the fight.

  Just
as I put my weight on my front foot to head over to him, though, Logan slips out of Austen's grip. He rolls quickly to the side and hops up. The fighters begin to rise to their feet. I don't think anyone expected him to get out of that hold. I peer between two of the tall men to try to get a look at what's going on in the cage.

  Logan and Austen's hands are both up, their feet light and busy. Logan goes on the attack, heading toward Austen with a big leg kick. Austen backs up and Logan pursues him to the chain links of the cage. He nails Austen with a few punches to the jaw, but then I see him stagger back as Austen knees him in the stomach. The other men abandon their seats completely and press around the cage, pounding on it and cheering. I glance over to Duke. His arms are crossed over his chest, and he's staring with laser focus at his sons.

  Austen doesn't give Logan much time to recover. He advances on him, landing body punches as Logan puts up his arms defensively. Austen leans a little too far into one of his crosses, and Logan spots that his balance is momentarily off, and nails him with a kidney shot. Austen winces and Logan shifts his weight onto his back leg as if to prepare for a kick, but then hesitates. What's he doing? The other fighters yell as Austen takes advantage of the moment, grabbing Logan around the waist and slamming him down on his back. I gasp at the sound of his body hitting the ground with Austen's full force behind it.

  Logan must be holding back. That's what he told me when I saw him in Denver, that sometimes his body wants to use the Muay Thai training he's been learning, but he can't let himself or his father will know. And now his hesitation is resulting in him getting his ass kicked. I start to yell at him inside my head: get up, get up, Logan!

  Their sweaty limbs slide over each other, both struggling to find a grip. I watch Austen position himself behind Logan and grab his arm. He's trying to pull Logan's arm into a Kimura, and then Logan will be forced to submit. Suddenly Logan kicks his leg back into Austen's thigh, hitting him just next to the knee and causing him to lose his grip. Logan scrambles up, evading a tap out once more.

  Austen jumps up after him, and they circle each other again. Now both of their chests are heaving, their cardio training coming into play. Their expressions are both deadly, locked in on the other's body to watch for any sign of movement that will give them away. With almost no warning, Austen strikes forward, landing a hard cross on Logan's cheekbone. Logan's head whips to the side. Austen strikes twice more: jab, uppercut. Logan stumbles back, struggling to get his bearings.

  The noise level peaks, the other men all screaming and pounding on the cage as they sense the end of the fight. Austen steps back into a leg kick to finish it, when Logan suddenly jumps up, his body rotating in the air with his elbow raised, until it lands with a solid crack on his brother's temple.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The men's cheers cut out so quickly that Austen's body hits the floor in complete silence. I watch Austen lie still as blood begins to spurt above his eye. Logan drops his hands, a look of shock on his face. Duke rushes for the door of the cage, Raul hot on his heels.

  Logan backs up as they enter. Austen's already picking up his head and looking around in confusion. Duke and Raul kneel next to him. Raul begins to pepper him with questions to check his cognition as the men around the cage begin to whisper to each other. Raul takes the towel from around his neck and presses it against Austen's split temple. I watch in relief as Austen's own hand comes up to hold it there. The whispers cease as Duke rises to his feet and turns to his younger son.

  "What the fuck was that!?" he bellows.

  "Spinning elbow," Logan murmurs, barely audibly.

  "Where'd you learn it, and why'd you just knock out your brother in a sparring match?" Duke yells back. Logan's eyes flare with anger and he raises his head.

  "Because he—" I bite my lip as Logan begins to respond, but he stops. "I've been training in Denver with a Muay Thai coach," he goes on proudly. "The training fits me, fits my strengths."

  "You're training somewhere else?" Duke explodes. "What the fuck, Logan! You're my son!"

  "Am I? Then why do you treat me like I'm just here to be Austen's fucking training partner? I'm a fighter, too!"

  "Not here, you're not. Get out!"

  "Fine with me!" Logan spits back. He stalks to the open door of the cage. The fighters part and he walks through them and toward the door of the gym. I watch his bare, sweaty back as he grabs his bag from the wall.

  This is all my fault.

  I find myself walking after him, then running. I burst out of the gym's front doors and into the parking lot as he nears his car.

  "Logan, wait! Wait!" I call after him. He doesn't stop moving toward his car. "Please!" I say as he yanks open the driver's side door.

  "Please what, Cat?" he hisses, spinning around at me. I freeze, my mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air. "Exactly."

  "Please let me explain," I blurt out. "Last night, I just felt so guilty, I couldn't break up with him. I don't want to hurt Austen. But I also don't want to hurt you—"

  "Is that what all your decisions in life are based on? Who you're hurting the least? That's such a fucked up way to live. And it's sad, because I bet you don't even know what you want. You're so concerned about not making waves that you've never even bothered to figure that part out."

  "I just need some time—"

  "No. No more time. No more chances."

  "Please, Logan—"

  "I'm in love with you, Cat! Or I was." I stop arguing and just stare at him. "I was going to tell you last night. Doesn't matter now, I guess. Go be with Austen," he adds with a shrug, then tosses his bag on the passenger seat and swings into his car. He slams the door closed and turns on the engine, yanking off his gloves before grasping the steering wheel and taking off with a screech of his tires. I watch his car turn onto the road, feeling like my heart's leaving with it.

  There's a scraping sound behind me, and I whirl around to see the entirety of Team Apex standing on the curb behind me. They're staring at me with a mix of shock, embarrassment, and laughter, with Duke and Austen at the front of the group. Duke glowers at me and I wilt in front of his gaze.

  Without a word, he turns on his heels and stalks back into the gym. The other fighters jump away to give the man a wide berth, then begin to silently file in after him until only Austen and I are left. He stares at me for a long time as I keep my eyes trained on his sweat-drenched chest.

  "How long?" he finally says. His voice is low, but I can tell how much anger he's holding back.

  "Just last night. I went to Oliver's to talk to you and saw you with that girl. I thought we were over."

  "So it's OK then."

  "No. I didn't say that. I'm sorry. There's no excuse. And he's your brother. I can't imagine…" I trail off as shame settles on me like a heavy blanket.

  "I feel like I don't know you at all."

  I nod. "Yeah, I know what you mean." He stares at me for another moment, and then turns his back and walks slowly back into the gym. I give him some time to get past the doors, and then steal in behind him. I grab my bag from behind the desk and flee back to my car. I don't care if Harold hasn't arrived yet. I can't stay here one more minute.

  I drive around aimlessly for a while. I don't want to go back to the house yet. Or maybe ever. I wish my mom had never met Duke. I just want to go back to the old apartment across town and crash in my familiar bedroom. I want to scrub away this whole summer, and replace it with one where I get a job as a checkout clerk, then I go to cosmetology school, then eventually I meet a nice, boring guy and we have nice, boring dates, and my mom likes him, and no one is upset with me.

  Eventually I find myself driving back to Duke's house, not because I want to, but because I don't know where else to go. When I pull into the garage, it's empty. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I walk up to the second floor and down the hall to Logan's room. Just as I feared, his drawers are pulled out and mostly emptied. He's made his escape.

  I walk back down to
my room and pull my phone out of my purse. Maybe Logan's got the right idea. I bet Maya's parents wouldn't mind if I came and stayed with them for a bit. Just as I scroll to her name, I hear the front door open and slam shut, and then footsteps on the stairs. A moment later, my mom bursts through my doorway.

  "Caitlyn, what the hell did you do?" she cries. "How could you do this to me!?"

  "I…well, I didn't do anything to you, Mom," I murmur.

  "Duke is furious. He called me at work and said you'd been dating both of his sons, and now Logan isn't on Team Apex anymore. Is that true?"

  "Not—I mean, sort of. It's complicated. It didn't start out like that."

  "Well, it's over now, whatever it was. You call up Duke and apologize."

  "No, wait! You don't get to decide that kind of stuff."

  "I'm your mother!"

  "And I'm eighteen! I'm not a kid."

  "You're just trying to hurt me, that's what this is!" she says, bursting into tears and sinking down on my bed with her head in her hands.

  "No, Mom, I'm not going to back down this time just because you're crying! You're not the victim here!"

  "I don't think I'm the victim!" she protests, raising her head in shock.

  "Then why are you acting like one? Every time I try to argue with you, that's what you do, you act like I'm hurting you, and I'm tired of it. I want to make my own decisions, whether you like them or not."

  "Fine, don't apologize to Duke!"

  "That's not what I'm talking about. I mean, yes, that, but other stuff, too." I take a deep breath. I've come this far. "I don't want to go to cosmetology school. I want to go to college in the fall." My mom's jaw drops open, but I keep going. "I visited Colorado State, and I think I could get in. It's too late for this fall, but I could apply for spring admission."

  "I can't take any more of this," my mom says in a fragile, halting voice.

  "See? You're doing it again. I'm just saying what I want to do, and you're acting like I'm setting out to hurt you." She frowns down at the ground, and I wonder if I've gotten through to her at all. "I'm going to go stay with Maya for a bit," I say, pulling my drawers open and grabbing whatever clothes I can get my hands on to stuff into my bag. I head for the door but turn back as I reach the threshold. "And you can tell Duke from me: I don't think I owe him an apology, but I do think he owes Logan one."